Girls should come with a carfax report
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
