seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize