omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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