im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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