come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I looked at my own cervix.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
