I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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