we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
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The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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