So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
