In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
