I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
