just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
