I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
