I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
