I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
