I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
