Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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