Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
