So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
A+ Viking dick
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
