Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
