Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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