you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
