The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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