Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
