kristin has been a bad kristin
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
