she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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