I cannot find my penis.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
