I faked an abortion last night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
