so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
