Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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