Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
