I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
whose parrot is this?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize