he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
