I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am one with the molecules
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
