New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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