Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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