Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
and you fell through a lawn chair
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
