Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
