all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
