what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
