Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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