don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
