She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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