Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
