even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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