I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
