It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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