I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
