They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
