Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
