Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
