she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
