Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
