What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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