I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
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