now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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