hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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