I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
