I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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