I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
