my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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