my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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