rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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