dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
