Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
