U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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