Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
