Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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