So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She's better-looking with the mask on.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
