I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
