Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
