I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
