he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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