She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
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I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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