Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
