I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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