i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
