It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
