Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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