i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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