In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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