Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
