just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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